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Writing to awaken

I am using Mark Matousek’s book, Writing to Awaken.

The first questions was what did your parents teach you?  My mother was psychotic and a drug addict and alcoholic.  She took me I wasn’t good looking and wasn’t as smart as my brothers.  My father rejected me because I was another man’s son, although he denied it later on.

The next question in Writing to Awaken asked if I have experienced which contradicted those beliefs.  And I did.  I was voted the dorm’s social chairman, 500 to 2 (and I was one of the two). I was dating the sexiest girl on campus.  I had lots of feedback that I was handsome.   I was dancing with Jill and one of my mother’s cousins came up to me and said, “You’re the handsome one in the family.”  My mother’s face grimaced with hatred.

I also was teacher’s pet in second and fourth grades.  Teacherx offered to adopt me. My third grade teacher assigned me Pinocchio as the lead.  I also played the violin, was in the chorus, taught myself chess and played blindfolded. I was eighth in my high school class because I took electives like art, which improved my life as I fell in love with art.  I was tutored in Hebrew studies of the Old Testament by Mordecai Hauer because I was good at languages. I high school I became fluent in French and was mistaken for Parisian more than once.

There lot’s more evidence that my parents were lying.  My brothers who took no electives were higher in class standing but one of those fellows in my class said I was the smartest kid in the class. So doing this work, I see I am handsome and smart and I do lots of things well.  I do know how much  I don’t know, which is a sign of intelligence.  Seeing that my parents lied about me, as I discovered reading Writing to Awaken.

I do have some guilt because I treated myself poorly most of my life.

But as my parent’s lies fade in the past,  I think it will be easier to write.

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