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Things Never Satisfy

You’d think I would have learned the lesson
From the rich people I knew.
Car, houses, boats didn’t produce peace of mind,
In fact, often produced guilt and fear
Of Mexicans and Puerto Ricans coming to take it all away.
The worst live in gated cities, thinking they can shut fear away,
Never knowing that the fear festers within them.
The ability to make money and to look deep within
Appear to be opposites.
Is our addiction to weapons of mass destruction
That we own but project on others,
Simply a guilty conscious for owning such wealth?
Is it coincidence that wealthy Saudi Arabia
Births Arab terrorists?

A God soft as lamb’s wool isn’t in any theology.
One minister wrote a book saying God loves everyone
And was nearly drummed out of his church by his fellow ministers.
We prefer the God of Thunder instead,
While mouthing our allegiance to Jesus,
While hating gays and lesbians and voting to expand military budgets.
To feel God’s love is to opposes an industry of Jesus.
It is to petrify the word of God into a rock to bash in offender’s heads,
Rather than build a church on.
It is no wonder we have more men in jail than any other nation on earth.
We cling to the death penalty although there’s plenty of evidence
We murder innocent people.
We prefer a warrior Jesus.
Onward Christian Soldiers was the soundtrack of military empire
For more than a century.

So when God flood me with love, it is, for many Americans
A sacrilege, given that I am a gay man.
Even religious people find it hard to believe
I could drown in an ocean of God’s love,
That a clumsy Christian like me
Could be led step by step by a passionate Jesus,
Who forgives and encourages and loves
Despite our mistakes.
It is in action that God reaches each of us,
Not by a minister, not by a Scripture,
But my prayer and meditation,
Done poorly day after day,
A willingness to love,
Even match with an unwillingness to love.
There are no points off for a hardened heart.

So let me be willing this coming year,
To love poorly, practice badly
The tools of religious life.
One step, no matter how poorly taken,
Inflames God’s heart
In a blast that heats the whole universe
And each of us, whether we know it or not.

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