I am reading a book that is changing my life– Heidi Sawyer’s Highly Intuitive People.
She suggests that there is nothing wrong with sensitive people– the people who were called “too sensitive” as a child. I have always hidden my sensitivity since I was ridiculed as a child for being “too sensitive.” She also says that when sensitive people accept their sensitivity, they often become intuitive, a fancy word for “psychic.”
When I was a therapist, I did allow my sensitivity and I often saw pictures from the client’s life in front of me. It often created rapport and intensified the therapy. And when I created ads and press plans, I often withdrew with large pads and crayons and created intuitive and often brilliant plans. But when my wife left and I lost nearly everything and had been injured– and she told clients I was “crazy” I felt I had been too sensitive and I began to cover it up. This has slowed progress in my life and has made my professional life more difficult.
So I have been trying to allow myself to accept my sensitivity. It is frightening. But I know it is the key to successful writing, to seeing poetically. And I think my play, Under the El, was highly intuitive, strikingly so. I refused to have it produced because I knew I couldn’t write another one. When I wrote Under the El, I was vulnerable but after the first one, I thought I should know how to write a play and the vulnerability and sensitivity went out of the window and the next play was flat.
So maybe the reason I am writing more poetry is that the move has made me unsettled and more vulnerable. And vulnerability opens the door for my allowing my sensitivity to peek out and with that, I start seeing the world poetically. Also I get far more motivated to work on the novel.