I am finally accepting– thanks to a special on Public Television that I have ADHD– off the charts as two MD’s have shared with me. It took them less than 3 minutes each to make the diagnosis. “There’s no point testing you,” they both said, “you are off the charts.”
So I finally accepted taking ritalin which I had taken once in college and found, to my amazement, that I could think clearly. I later asked a psychiatrist whether it was possible that I was ADHD as a adult. This was in the early 70’s and she said, “No, children outgrow it.”
We now know that some of us don’t outgrow it at all.
I have ignored it. But I think it plays a role in blocking on the second draft. I use index cards and a software writing program, Scrivener, to keep track of things. But it is difficult. I finally picked up a copy of “I’m not stupid, crazy or lazy” and admitted to myself that I am frequently confused. I cannot file, put things in order, clean my apartment, shop in intense retail stores like Bloomingdale’s and at larger parties– it is all overwhelming.
It’s a relief to admit it.
I write notes on different pages and have difficult then correlating them to do a coherent lecture. And yet, I am a charismatic teacher that most students enjoy. Also I do have the ability to bring completely different sources together for a creative presentation.
I frequently feel confused. I read ten books at the same time. I hate shopping.
Meditation has helped, but the brain still operates in a disruptive fashion.
Accepting this is part of self-acceptance that increases creativity. Will see?
In some ways ADHD has helped me be creative? It might help writing the poetry. But writing a play nearly killed me and working on the novel is also confusing, too. On the other hand, doing the research on the novel was easy and fun.
How many of us have a irregular brain? Is it a help or hindrance?”