The posts slowed because I realized, after months, that I have been suffering from depression. As you’ve probably noticed, I cut back to writing this blog to once a week. This week, I realized I’ve been depressed. The depression comes on so slowly, I don’t usually notice it until I become suicidal. It’s bipolar depression and those of us with this commit suicide twenty times more often than the general population.
So it’s dangerous. But I realized it more quickly this time and I was able to abort the flair at least up to now. I discovered a technique called Core Transformation from a book by that name by Connirae Andreas. I found it at a local Goodwill. In it, Ms. Andreas suggested that we take where we are– and I realized I was jumbled this morning and asked if we reached the limit of that state, what would it produce. And keep going until there are no more answers. I didn’t get farther today, but accepted the confusion and had a major insight, about being emotionally unavailable to others, which explains a lot of relationships I’ve had.
It has a lot to do with how I participate or don’t– in 12 Step programs. I am amazed I have friends. I think it also has had an effect on my characters and not wanting to get too close or deep with them. So the technique is helpful.
And it did abort, as I’ve said, the depression that was about a month or two from getting dangerous.
I also started journaling and taking phos.ac, a homeopathic remedy that is good for depression, If it had continued, I would have resumed micro-current electrical therapy called Alpha-Stim from Allevia Health in Corvallis, Oregon. It is extremely effective but so far so good. I will resume that therapy if the depression rears its head this upcoming week.
But I did start writing again.