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Christmas Poem (funny, I hope)

One year, not long ago, Christmas nearly didn’t happen.

Santa was drunk and the reindeer were too depressed to fly.
The elves were carousing with buxom ladies
that had come for the food, drink and revelry.
Children’s letters lay unopened in every untidy corner.
Rudolph, the responsible reindeer, was brewing coffee
to sober up Santa while Santa, inebriated, paced and hummed
about pirates and the elves ate toffee.
Then the Red-Nosed One took the reindeer aside,
And gave them Ritalin
Which won them over to him
to cheer them for the midnight ride.
When the reindeer lightened, Rudolph frightened the elves
by dumping the childrens’ letters on the tables,
Where they overflowed into the reindeers’ stables,
pushing the food and drink on the floor.
The ladies, frightened, ran for the door,
But the elves, themselves shame-faced, disgraced,
Listened to Rudolph when he thundered and quaked,
And said, “The children of the world will lose their faith in Santa
if you don’t stop your drunken banter and fill these orders.
Can you imagine the children of the world disappointed
with no warning on Christmas morning?”
While Santa threatened murder.
The elves quickly took out their notebooks and entered every child’s request.
Then instantly used hooks and conveyor belts to fulfill every order best,
The elves, gathering steam, ripped open the letters with cries of glee,
And the gifts piled up in Santa’s sled as peace settled over the world.
When the last gift was hurled into the sleigh,
Santa, finally sober, stepped into his sleigh and yelled, “Away!”
While the reindeer leaped for joy at the thought
of visiting every girl and boy in the world.

And that’s how Christmas happened one year
Not long ago.

Jason Reynolds

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